i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are all done wearing pants today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
