he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
