One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
