Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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