I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
