did you get engaged???
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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