I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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