you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
