and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
