out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
