therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
