He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
