Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
