I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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