If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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