just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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