I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
