If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
