I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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