Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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