Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
