Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
