Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my being single is dangerous.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
