Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
