If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
