She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
