god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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