is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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