Walk of Shame. In a state park.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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