Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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