She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
