Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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