One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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