Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
