so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
