if i can run in heels then i can drive
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
