Apparently you make a good broom.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
