Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
