its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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