That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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