She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
