So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
