I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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