i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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