Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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