I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
