This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i think i just lost a toe
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
