im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
