Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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