Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
