yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
